So it has been 4 months.
4 months since I changed my life forever. Let me tell you, it is harder than I thought it would be (and that is saying something folks). It’s not just the physical, but also the mental. Do I regret it?
Food continues to be a challenge. I’m trying to find more interesting things to eat, but it’s boring, and then when it’s not, the scale slows. It is a really hard balance and I fight it each and every day. This doesn’t even get into the issue of grieving for food. Cheeseburgers were my all time favorite pre-surgery. I get sad at the fact I can’t just stuff a huge cheeseburger in my mouth and moan in the ecstasy of fat, grease, cheese, beef, onion rings, and bread. Yes, the “Don’t bother me I’m eating” commercials of Carl’s Jr. come to mind.
However, I can’t stress enough how much of a difference getting my protein in for the day makes me feel. I’ve really been working very hard at making sure I hit that 60+ grams of protein in day. I feel the difference at the end of the day when I don’t and the next morning is much harder to get moving.
The hair loss struggle is real. My husband says it isn’t as bad as I think it is, but he isn’t the one brushing his hair and seeing huge amounts in the brush, or washing it in the shower and massive strings being tangled up in his fingers. I won’t even lie that have cried about this a few times. There just really isn’t much we can do about it though. I stand by my belief that I will be bald for a year if it means getting healthy. Few more months, and it will grow back. It’s only hair. There are bigger things going on here.
The good news is that scale is moving (again) after a long stall. I think that is due to resetting what I was eating, and upping my exercise. I’m swimming now on top of the walking / running that I’ve been doing. To be fair, it’s more walking that running as it really has been aggravating my back.
I know there is a lot of bitching so let me tell you some things that are all positives:
- The scale did start moving again.
- I do not recognize myself in the mirror anymore. (There is a total disconnect between who I feel I am and who looks back at me in the mirror.)
- I can buy clothes in the regular part of the store. ( THIS IS HUGE YA’LL)
- My Dr. said I am no longer MORBIDLY OBESE! Again. This is HUGE.
- I am seeing changes in my body. Yes. This includes loose skin, which I didn’t think would bother me so much. It just feels weird, like a sweater I can’t take off that is way too big.
- I can just do more. I had a real hectic couple weeks at work, which included overtime, plus I was still getting up extra early to work out every day, and a year ago, I would not have been able to do that. I just have more energy.
- I can walk farther without having to stop to catch my breath, or just feel tired. This ties into #6, but it’s such a huge milestone that I have to mention it.
- Tying into #6 and #7, I was able to vacuum the house and I didn’t fall apart. Yea, this needs explanation. I have problems with my back and vacuuming the house would set it off in the worst way. A couple years ago, I vacuumed and my back went out so bad I spent 2 days with my head in a trashcan and a family debating whether they should take me to the ER. In hindsight, maybe they should have but not the point. Since then I haven’t been doing things like vacuuming the house to prevent that very thing. IT seems silly, I know, but from a health standpoint, it’s a pretty bid deal.
- I bought a PRETTY BRA. Yes. This gets added to the list because when you are fat, you get support. It’s all about support vs the fashion, because well SUPPORT.
- I see actual, real, muscles developing.
The other day a friend and I went to Kohls to get me some new bras, because weight loss = smaller boobs. Fact of life. While we were there, we were looking through the clearance clothes, and I found a shirt that I really liked but it was too big. My friend started crying and freaking out over how I said that it was too big and I just looked at her like she was crazy. I couldn’t figure it out until it hit me.
We were standing in the NORMAL clothes section, and I just said that something was TOO BIG!
TOO BIG! Yes. We squealed and laughed and cried, and my daughter heard us from across the store.
I have officially gone from a 24/26 pant since my highest ( 22 at surgery) to a 14/16 and a 3X shirt to a comfortable XL. 4 months after surgery.
Case and Point:
I had a huge moment last week when I realized just how far I have come. I stared at the below and couldn’t even reconsile myself to that person. I have heard of people doing this, but this picture was taken during a time when I was not weighing myself. I was also super unhappy and there were a lot of things going on in my life at the time, and I coped with it by literally eating my feelings. I am sure that I was over 300 at this point, but I don’t know for sure. My highest recorded weight was 289, but I had been working on working out a little, by that point.
This is today.
You have to put the work in. You have to know this is a huge change in how life is.
It is worth every ounce of pain, sweat and tears.
*raises glass of water* Cheers!