First, I apologize for not keeping this up as much as I would have liked. It’s been a mix of life and not really knowing what topics to cover.
I have my 3 month check up on Wednesday and I’m scared. I’m afraid they are going to tell me that I haven’t lost enough. Here is the thing though. I am happy with my progress, mostly. I haven’t been PERFECT. I know that, but I am human. I am using this tool to make my life better. I am using this tool to get myself into habits that I CAN handle for the rest of my life. I am using this tool to become a healthier me.
My food and workouts haven’t been perfect. I give myself permission to not be. I try hard, and most of time, I’m good. I get my steps, protein, and water in. In fact there are a few staples in my life for food. Protein shakes ( usually the Premier Carmel), one egg and cheese omelet (if there is meat in the fridge, I’ll add that), string cheese, and lunch meat and cheese.
That is more than enough for a full meal. I often don’t finish it, but it is often my lunch at work.
So even if I haven’t been perfect, here are a few things that I have done and things that have amazed me during this process.
A. I have broken the 200 lb mark and I haven’t been this weight since before my daughter was born. Last time I weighed (last Tuesday) was 198.4. I’m bouncing a little around that mark, but I will take it!
B. I bought clothes at Kohls. Ya’ll. I bought clothes in a regular store. Then not only did I buy them in a regular store, but I didn’t buy them in the plus size department! NOT. IN. THE. PLUS. SIZE. DEPARTMENT. Yup. Size XL t-shirts and some jeans. They fit comfortably too!
C. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror a couple weeks ago. I walked by a mirror in the office, and didn’t realize that it was me reflected back. There have been pictures posted on my Facebook page and people have said they don’t recognize me, but this was shocking. I didn’t realize it was me. I can’t be that much thinner.
D. I’m finally seeing the difference in my face. In fact when I smile, I see the loose skin in my cheeks, which bugs me a bit, but loose skin is loose skin. I don’t wanna talk about it.
E. I did the Wharf to Wharf in Santa Cruz again. Which was amazing. I did it on basically a moments notice too. No training and I still finished in the same time I had when I had trained for months at my higher weight.
F. I’m seeing the loose skin. Yes, I know I said I don’t wanna talk about it. The fact is, it is a part of this process. No I won’t show you a picture of it, because well… EWWW. I had said that the skin wouldn’t bother me much, but it is bothering me more than I thought. My arms wave on a totally different level than they did before, and when I was in the pool this weekend, it just felt weird in the water. Oh and I’ve already told the husband unit that a boob job may be in my future. He just laughed.
G. The hair. Oh I didn’t have much to give at the start of this, but I’m losing so much of my hair. I’m still of the mindset that if I have to be bald for a couple years to get healthy, then I will gladly do it, but it is sad. It’s falling out so fast that I very well may be living those words.
H. I’m adding swimming to my work out routine. I’ve just been doing some light weights and such at home then doing some running and walking because I’m terrified of my back causing problems again. In fact, I’ve really cut down on the running because my back was causing me issues again. Walking it is.
I. I have so much more energy than I used to. I find myself doing more. I don’t shy away from physical activity anymore because its a physical activity. In fact, a friend just asked me to do a 5K with her and I signed up without hesitation. I’m actually looking forward to it!
So here is the bottom line. I’m losing the weight. May not be at lighting speeds, but it is so much faster than I was ever able to before. I’m not hungry all the time. ( DUH!) I’m finding myself being much happier overall, but have huge body dismorphia (I spelled that wrong). I can’t reconcile the me I am inside, to the physical me I now am. I’m not sure that will ever go away.
I love my new life.