So only 5 more days until my surgery. I’m super excited and haven’t really been freaking out about the major change I’m making. I feel confident, I feel sure.
But here is the problem…. my damn subconscious. I have had dreams of everyone in my office screaming at me about how much they hate me, how worthless I am, how I’m horrible at my job, and so on and so forth. Okay… maybe I’m a little insecure about leaving work for surgery and recovery. I can understand that.
I have had many dreams where I get back to 220lbs and then no matter what I still can’t lose the weight past that. Then I wake up crying because I’ve gone through this extreme to get the weight off and be healthier, and it doesn’t work. Not at all. Not going to lie. That is a REAL concern of mine.
Here is where it is stupid.
Dream 1: Okay Mrs. Ringer, you are free to go home. … 4 hours later may husband doesn’t show up to pick me up, and I call him and he totally forgot that he was supposed to do that.
Dream 2: Waking up in recovery with my daughter laughing hysterically at me pointing and crossing her legs to keep from peeing her self from laughter. Of course she won’t tell me why she’s laughing.
Dream 3: I lose the weight, I get to where I want to be and my husband says he is divorcing me because I’m thin now. No other reason. Just because I lost 100lbs.
Dream 4: I lose weight, get to goal weight, but then can’t stop losing weight. It’s right out of Stephen Kings’ book Thinner. I wither away to a skeleton and my husband just laughs at me.
Dream 5: A co-worker comes to the hospital to see me, but instead she takes one look at me and nopes right on out the door and gives whatever it was in her hands to the person in the next room.
Now put those 5 on a circulating loop. It’s all stupid irrational stuff. None of it makes any sense.
Other than that, I can’t wait. I went in for my pre-op last week, and there were NO nerves at all. None. Nada. I expected to have butterflies in my stomach or something, but nope. I walked in with my head held high and ready to conquer this.
Is it Tuesday morning yet?