The Noise in my Silence.

I hath returned!!! (Fair warning this isn’t necessarily a warm and fuzzy post.)

I am climbing out of my pillow fort.

(snagged from www.comicvine.com )

(snagged from http://www.comicvine.com )

Well I didn’t go anywhere, I just had a silent blog for the past two weeks. Thank you to everyone who sent emails re well wishes. I didn’t reply to anyone, and I’m sorry for that. Therefore, I will answer you here.

I didn’t go on vacation, I wasn’t ill (per se), I just needed to take a couple of weeks off. Why you ask?

Because DEPRESSION SUCKS! That is why.

monkey tongue

Something had to be put on hold.

I try very hard to stay upbeat and positive in all forms of my social media. I knew that I needed to take a break from it or I was going to say something I probably shouldn’t and break my number one golden rule and my number two rule.

Golden Rule: Keep the drama off the internets.

#2:  If you don’t want the whole internet to know about it, don’t post it on the internet!

Not that there was anything or anyone specifically that was in my craw as they say, but I was at the point where someone would say hello to me, nice and cheery like, and I would probably have ripped their head off.

So what HAVE I been doing for the last couple weeks. ( If you have “liked” my Facebook page, you can see that I haven’t been completely idle. )

  1. Concentrated on the re-writes, additions, etc. on The Five Angels – Book 1.
  2. Finished imputing and doing re-writes on TFA. (Even got a few query letters out.)
  3. Started re-writes, editing, etc. of The Five Angels – Book 2.
  4. Read. (The Throne of Glass Series Again (Sarah J. Maas), Prophecy of Stones (by Mishka Jenkins), TFA (after re-writes), Four (Veronica Roth), The Golden Key (Israel Sanchez), Billy the Kid and the Vampyres (Michael Scott), now I’m reading the new book Heir of Fire (Book 3 in the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Mass ) )
  5. Cried
  6. Slept ( well sort of )
  7. More crying over stupid things like the fact I got in my car one morning were I was running late only to notice I had to stop and get gas. (Yes, these are the stupid things I’ll cry over when I get like this. I even laughed at myself as I was crying because I knew how stupid it was. )
  8. Played with Prince Wall-E Magnifico Puppino. Seriously. Puppy kisses and “Mommy. Won’t you Plllaaay with me” are very heart warming.
  9. Cut out three projects (ok well technically two and I had to recut one because I messed up) for quilting / sewing. Completed one of them.
  10. Most importantly: Went to the doctor and got a little help.

So as you can see, a mish – mosh of things, but other than the work on TFA, not a whole lot of PRODUCTIVE work. Yes, my Get Healthy Project went on hold for a bit.

I know what my trigger is. It’s that I’m upset over my Career Options. That would be my writing career and my day to day career.

Writing Career: I know that rejection letters are part of the business and just something that I am going to have to deal with. It was just one more thing that was piling on.

Day to Day Career: While looking for another job, I keep being told I’m unhireable because I am not bilingual. It’s deflating.

That being said. That was only my trigger. There are a few other things going on in life, that I won’t discuss, but it just finally weighed me down.

I’m not giving up on my Career Options.

Finding a position closer to home is a necessity. I won’t give up and stop. However, I have a job now and that is much more than what many people can say. I love my job; it’s just that the travel and gas is eating us alive. Plus, if something happens with the daughter unit (ie: she gets sick at school) it takes me an hour to get there to pick her up. Granted I have the in laws who have said on numerous occasions that they don’t mind picking her up for us, but I don’t want to have to rely on them to do it. They have their own lives, and as her parents, we should be the ones who pick her up when she is sick. Grandparents are for fun time, not temporary babysitters.

Writing is what I love to do and I won’t give it up. I feel whole and complete doing it. There is a huge learning curve that I’m still working on learning, but there is a part of me that just … well I can’t explain it properly at the moment. Rejection letters important, and just part of the deal. It only takes one to say yes right? I’m also seriously considering trying to go back to school.  I have a minor degree, but it isn’t in English and I know that going back to school to obtain my English degree would help my writing in extraordinary ways. I also refuse to give up on The Five Angels Story. It’s become a part of who I am and the story and characters speak to me in ways, other stories haven’t for me. I’ll speak more on The Five Angels later this week with an author based post.

Ok. I know this has turning into a rattle-fest. So thank you for enduring this long post and I’ll be back with a normal-ish programing.

Much love to each and every one of my readers.

 

 

4 thoughts on “The Noise in my Silence.

  1. Sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling the best lately. 😦 Hope things start looking up soon! xxx

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