My Weighty Story: I have met “The Devil” and he is GLORIOUS!

Yes, I have met “The Devil” aka Satan aka The Fallen Angel. Whatever you have decided to call him, I have met him and he is one interesting fellow. He moved into our home on Monday and he has been staring me down ever since.

He is exhilarating, exhausting, fun, troubling, demeaning, encouraging, and well, a reality check.  Don’t get me wrong, my title is still correct. He is glorious and I love having him in our home  ( that is so cool to say OUR HOME! WE OWN IT! SQUEEEE! ( ok I digress.) ), but he gave me a hellva reality check.

“The Devil” was even kind enough to let me take a picture of him.

 

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Isn’t he glorious!

He is isn’t he. /lesigh

Now see here is the THING. Yes, we are going on a slight detour. Don’t worry, we will get back to Mr. Devil Man. Somehow over the weekend, I blew up my back. On Monday I woke up in the middle of the night with my back CRYING in pain. I actually finally gave up and took the mega pain killer – VICODIN!

Stop laughing at me. I know that there are those out there that take Vicodin like it’s aspirin. I’m a pain killer wimp. Vicodin kicks my butt!!! I take half of one and usually it knocks me out like a light. However, by 5:30 am I had gotten back up and taken the other half and I was still awake at 8:30 am hurting.

Now picture this. I hurt, I’ve pretty much only gotten about 2 hours of sleep … that alone should scare anyone. Add the meds, and I’m loopy as heck. The Husband Unit deserves the award of all AWARDS. Where any other man probably would have cowered at the sound of my moans, run as far away from me as possible, or tip toed around me hoping that the beast (me) would not notice him, he came over and helped me out however he could. The Husband Unit babied me until I was finally able to get comfy enough to get to sleep. ( We won’t even go into the fact that same morning the Daughter Unit was in pain because she sprained her shoulder over the weekend swimming in the ocean. So this poor man was getting both barrels Monday morning…. on his vacation. ) Husband Unit gets the Amazing Award.

So since I blew my back out, I wasn’t able to play or have a conversation with “The Devil”. Now keep in mind, I’ve been doing my #mileaday thing for the Month of May, except for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week because of said back ( which is much better now thank you! ). I have also been doing my daily walks for the past few weeks, and with everything else we have been doing to the house, I’m getting my work outs in.  YAY ME!

Well, because my back was feeling better, I got up on top of “The Devil” and set up my own user profile. I put in rolling hills, for a variation of resistance, set it for 15 minutes because well, I do my 3 mile walk, up and down hills, in about 40 minutes, so that’s just less than a 15 minute mile. This will be a different motion, so if I just set it for what would be one mile, I’ll be fine.  FIINNNNNNEEEE I SAY!

 

Rolling Hills – Resistance Lvl 3 – GO!

First 5 seconds: Moving… ok, cool, new motion, I like this. Doesn’t hurt my knees. Back feels good.

30 seconds later: Oh wow, hip joints, ok, lets go ahead and reset this to beginner loser level.

Stops machine: Reprograms to flat surface – Resistance Lvl 1 – GO!

1 minute later: Yea, ok, this is better. Legs better.

2 minutes: WOOO. Ok I can feel it. This is great!

3 minutes: Wow. I can really feel it in my thighs.

4 minutes: Sweet. Feeling it in my arms too. New muscle groups! WOOWOO!

4 minutes 30 seconds: WOO really getting tired now.

5 minutes: Oh, I’m not gonna make 15 minutes. Let’s go for 8 minutes.

5 minutes 30 seconds: What do you mean I can’t bring the resistance down any lower?

6 minutes: This is stupid. I can do 3 miles, what do you mean I’ve only gone one-tenth of a mile.  I’m dying here!

6 minutes 20 seconds: Fan gets turned on because I’m sweating like a pig in a roaster oven.

7 minutes: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS ONLY 7 MINUTES AND I’VE ONLY BURNED 10 CALORIES! ARE YOU NUTS! I think you’re broken.

7 minutes 30 seconds: 30 more seconds. Come on you lard ass! Get your butt in GEAR! Oh crap. Sorry Danielle ! I just failed.

8 minutes later: /falls off machine in a pile of goo.

 

 

OHHHH EEEEMMMM GGGGHHHEEEEEEE! I had to stop at 8 minutes because my legs were like jelly. I am serious. You would have laughed your butts off watching me walk around to the couch ( a whomping 3 feet ).  My legs lost ALL ABILITY to hold my weight.

You’ve seen those pictures or cartoons where someone is walking and they are all wobbly, or they literally have noodles for legs? That was me.  Yes, you may laugh. I was laughing myself. HYSTERICALLY!

I felt GREAT! Don’t get me wrong. It’s just “The Devil” gave me a massive reality check. Just because I can do my 3 mile walk and come home tired after 40 minutes, does not mean I can do 8 minutes on the damn elliptical.

My thighs are so sore. They hurt like someone used them as a punching back for a boxing match. That’s ok though. At least they hurt because I was working them out. It’s a good hurt. It reminds me that I have work to do, and I’m working on improving myself.

I have made a mental note. I need to go for like 5 minutes for a couple weeks, move to 6 minutes, and slowly increase my time. REALITY CHECK NOTED!

Don’t you worry Mr. Devil. I’m going to kick your arse one day and …

You’ll never see me coming!

(In the voice of The Mandarin from Iron Man 3. See below YouTube Video if you’re not familiar. )

PS: I am doing the May Mile a Day. Follow me on Facebook  to follow my progress and more!

 

5 thoughts on “My Weighty Story: I have met “The Devil” and he is GLORIOUS!

  1. Ugh, I can’t stand how slow that calory counter goes compared to the clock on those devilish things! Still, congratulations on having the devil in your house. I’m sure he’ll prove to be a fine roommate in the end;)

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