It’s only Thursday of a short week that didn’t even start till Tuesday. This week has rattled my emotions and I need the WEEKEND!
I’ll try to explain without going into it too much. There is a lot behind the scenes emotionally.
Monday night I find out my grandfather had been in the hospital for a few days ( he is home now and resting ) which brought on all sorts of emotions. Worry, Concern, Anger, Frustration, you name it. Then yesterday morning my uncle called and told us that one of my cousins passed away. Really came as a shock. BAMN! INFLOW OF EMOTIONS!!!!
I’m sad she is gone, but I’m also worried about her Mom, her husband, her daughter and her son. Then something hit that I didn’t expect, though I should have. The loss of my own father. While my cousin went in her sleep ( we can only hope peacefully as we don’t know the cause of death yet ), my Daddy didn’t. He died of Prostate Cancer, and my cousin’s death has brought back all of my own pain.
My body and mind are therefore fighting my worry for my grandfather, the loss of my cousin, and the loss of my Daddy.
So what have I done?
Well to start with on Tuesday, I ate my anger and worry. I had a bowl of cereal with extra sugar on top, regular Chai Latte from Starbucks, macaroni and cheese, chips, a candy bar, bread and butter, and at least 2 ice cream bars. All day…..
Wednesday ( yesterday ) I went in the opposite direction. I let my sadness take over me and I hardly ate anything. I had 2 breakfast bars ( one for breakfast, one for lunch ), a half sized portion of dirty rice, and 1 red vine. That’s it. That’s all I ate. Just wasn’t hungry.
This morning, I want to buy out the store of all the chocolate, sugar, fat, and other yummy delicious things that I haven’t been eating for awhile now and just consume it all. Ever last bit. While I haven’t gone to the store and done that, I still want to.
Is any of this HEALTHY and in tune to my GET HEALTHY PROJECT. HELL TO THE NO! I know its just emotional eating, and mentally I keep telling myself that this isn’t what I need to be doing. I need to stay on track. I have the San Jose Rock N’ Roll Mini Marathon ( my first “race” ever ) in 3 weeks, and I’m not at the weight I wanted to be for it yet. I need to pull myself together.
Only I can’t. I’m wallowing in my emotions, and eating through them. I need to find a way to work through this. ….
But it’s hard and I’m having to dig deep to find the strength. I just haven’t found it yet.