My name is Kim and I’m fat.
No, I’m not one of those skinny girls who are 5’ 7” and 120lbs if they are SOAKING WET crying for complements and begging for people to sit there and tell them how skinny they really are. I’m 5 feet 6 ½ inches ( and YES I will take that HALF thank you! ) and I have been overweight my whole life.
I think back and can’t think of a time when I wasn’t overweight. Now, granted that is subjective. Personally, at this point in my life, I would almost KILL to have the body I had in high school! However, when you’re in middle school and high school, being 150 lbs ( when I was at my thinnest ) or up to 200 lbs, that’s a big deal, but I digress.
It held me back from doing things or being “successful” at others. I was a competitive roller skater ( a lot like ice skating, but on roller skates) and because of my weight, I couldn’t do some of the things I needed to do, I didn’t have the lines I should have had in order to place higher. I had to be that much better than everyone else, just get a higher placement. ( I’ll talk more about this in another post .)
When I was in my early 20’s I met my wonderful husband and we soon had our daughter. I gained 60 lbs when I had her ( she was and is worth every pound ). I never lost it, well for good anyways.
Over the years I have tried just about everything, save surgery. I have refused to go that far. Weight Watchers, Curves, Adkins, Low Carb, the military diet, Slim Fast, Special K, you name it, I have probably tried it, or something close to it. I’m the classic YO-YO. I would lose 20-30 pounds, then gain 30 or 40.
A few years ago I had gone to the doctor depressed. To steal a phrase from my mother, I had to look UP to see a snakes belly, I was that low. We talked extensively about my history, mentally and physically, and she ordered blood tests.
Couple days later I get a call that she wants to see me right away, she clarified it with everything is ok, no need to worry, but she wanted me in that week. So I haul, yes HAUL, my toosh back in there and she says that she has good news and bad news. So of course I ask her to tell me the bad first, so the good will sound that much better.
The Bad: I have a Hypoactive Thyroid Condition. It is so underperforming that she told me I could walk by a bakery, yes just walk by, don’t even have to go in, just inhale the yummy fumes emitting from said bakery, and BAM! I would gain 20 lbs. I couldn’t help but laugh.
The Good: It’s totally treatable by just taking a little pill every day. YAY!
So I started my meds and I lost some weight. But I would get frustrated and give up, gaining all that weight back, and more every time. I would start and stop, start and stop. It was total havoc on my body. Then thinks went a little wonky in life. My father was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and the following January my husband lost his job and lost our insurance. Unfortunately, that meant that we couldn’t afford for the follow up blood work that needed done, or the meds themselves. ( I didn’t even bother to ask the husband unit because I didn’t want to add to the stress level. He is Mr. Money Man and handles the checkbook. )
Over the next few months, my father’s health went downhill fast. I was spending as much time as I could over at my parents’ house spending time with my Daddy and helping my Mommy when I could. That of course meant eating what I could, and that usually meant lots of fast food or eating out.
In May and June of 2011 I ate out probably 5-6 days a week, and gained quite a bit of weight then. After my Daddy died in June, I was depressed, didn’t care about my weight, and I grieved by eating. Food was my best friend and I would like to say that as I went through the grieving process, and as time went on, I severed that best friendship. However, I didn’t.
Come Christmas 2012 I was at my heaviest weight I had ever been. I was pushing 300 lbs and I felt like CRAP! When I saw pictures of me on Christmas morning I was embarrassed. I was HUGE! I looked like Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory after she ate the blueberry pie. Truth be told, I felt it too, I just didn’t realize it.
In January I made the famous New Year’s Resolution. However I thought it through.
1. If I call this a diet, I’ll fail. Diets fail. They inherently contain the “can have” vs “not allowed”.
2. This was more than just my weight. I need to be more physically active too.
3. It sure would be nice to be able to buy clothes ANYWHERE that don’t look like something your Grandmother would wear. I’m in my mid 30’s not 85! Skinny people don’t understand this. Try going to a tourist location, your stip mall, heck, even Target or Wal-Mart, and look at the clothes that are available. All the cute stuff, ie: clothes that you wouldn’t see your grandmother in, are all a size 12, or if you’re REALLY LUCKY a size 14 or smaller. It would be so AWESOME to be able to go into any store and buy a shirt that fits because it’s cute.
4. If one thing all the previous attempts to lose weight have taught me is that you have to stick with it, so if I was going to do this, I can have cake, or ice cream, or a fast food burger if I want. I just have to do it in MODERATION!. That doesn’t mean I can have a huge piece of cake at a birthday party, or a cheeseburger with onion rings and all that really good and tasty stuff every night. I can have one blown meal a week. Nothing wrong with that. If I’m craving something come that day / meal of the week where I am not counting the calories etc., then I can have it. Moderation.
So I decided to call this my GET HEALTHY PROJECT.
It’s all about being smart about what I eat, and getting off my butt, walking and working out.
So in January I started walking. The biggest journey started with the smallest step. Now, when I say I started walking let me clarify. I was in HORRIBLE shape. For the first month, I walked two blocks from my house and came back home. 2 BLOCKS! By the time I got home, I was so out of breath and my legs were shaky. That is where I started.
I was so mad at myself for allowing myself to get to that point. So I used that anger to fuel my “walks”. Over time the lengths increased, and I kept going.
My husband was working again, and he told me that I should do what I needed to in order to get back on my Thyroid medication, and do what I needed to do to get healthy. He’s never judged me, or said anything about my weight unless I brought it up. He has been really awesome about that.
In February, I finally got to the doctor, and got back on my Thyroid meds. I kept up the walking, eating right, etc. After 8 weeks, I had my blood test follow up to make sure my meds were working, and headed back to the doctor. Feeling better and able to walk farther.
When I stepped on the scale, I was crushed. Here I was working so hard, being reasonable about my foods, keeping a food diary (MyFitnessPal ) on my phone, and I lost a whole 4 lbs in 10 weeks. My doctor looked at my test results, and decided to up my thyroid meds once more, and asked me to come back in 8 weeks.
So I continued on my GET HEALTHY PROJECT. I continued walking, eating better, and all the things “I was supposed to do.” 8 weeks later, I come back to the doctor, I lost a whole 5 lbs. So getting my thyroid in check was helping, but he admitted that I may need extra help. So he put me on 37.5 mg of Phentermine every other day, and said to come back again in 8 weeks.
So once again, I went home and working on kicking the fat in the butt. Quite literally. 8 weeks goes by and I trot back to the doctor, feeling better than I had in a long time. When I stepped on the scale this time, I had lost 12 lbs!!! I was over the moon!
Since then I continue to go back every 8-10 weeks for my check – in’s and to get refills on my prescriptions. I continue to walk and when I feel down or frustrated because the scale doesn’t seem to move all that much, I think of two things.
1. In January, I could barely walk 2 blocks and back home. Now I’m walking 3 miles a day.
So far I have gone from a size 24 to a 16. I know I still have a long way to go, but I remember those two things and it helps me push on. I still refuse to call this a diet, because when I do, I realize how many negative things latch onto me. I’m getting healthy. Eating right and doing “diet” things are only part of this. I’m getting healthier physically and mentally.
Thank you for enduring the lengthy post, and I hope you stay tuned for all my trials, tribulations, laughters, and falls. Trust me there will be falls, I’m clumsy as all foobers.